We live during the global cloak of love, faith and patience, when family values \u200b\u200bcease to be perceived by a modern corrupt man as an absolute and unleised shrine. Unfortunately, not everything is so smooth and in the homes of believers. Recently, it is necessary to periodically hear that the next widged in the pair temple was divorced.
The efforts of our author Mary Saradzhishvili we collected 5 such stories and asked another permanent author of the portal, the priest Pavel Gumerov, comment on them.
Maria Sarajishvili
Five sad stories
"All happy families are similar to each other,
each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. "
L.N. Tough
Instead of preface
Angela (Moscow): "... mom before the second wedding simply read some permissive prayer. And on the same day they announced with the second husband. "
Earlier it was believed that it was crowned, then all, back the stroke
Just and easy. Twenty years ago it was believed that the church to get is the most complised matter, without much reasons is impossible. Causes of these sense, few of the parishioners knew and was thought that it was crowned, then everything, there is no turn.
And the real reasons for the termination of church marriage were like. According to the determination of the Local Cathedral of 1917-1918, the occasions for termination of marriage in the Russian Orthodox Church may be:
- Failure from Orthodoxy (the right to request a divorce court belongs to the spouse remaining in Orthodoxy).
- Adultery and unnatural vices.
- The inability to marriage to the wedding (if it began before marriage and is not due to old age; the case is initiated no earlier than two years since the marriage of marriage; if the inability was a consequence of intentional injury after making a marriage, the divorce is allowed).
- Disease by leprosy or syphilis.
- Listening absence (at least three years; two years - if the missing spouse was in war or floated on the ship).
- Awarding one of the spouses to the punishment connected with the deprivation of all the rights of the state.
- Encouring on the life and health of the spouse or children (applying serious injuries, or serious, threatening life, or important harm to health).
- Snotter, pampering and extraction of benefits from the obsolence of the spouse.
- Entry of one of the spouses in a new marriage.
- An incurable grave spiritual disease that eliminates the possibility of continuing the marital life.
- Malicious leaving the spouse by another spouse if it makes it impossible to continue the marriage life.
According to the basics of the social concept of the ROC "Currently, this list of grounds for the division of marriage is complemented by such reasons as a disease AIDS, medical examined chronic alcoholism or drug addiction, committing an abortion with the disagreement of her husband" (Art. 10.3).
Now life has become rapid, and people are much informed than before. And the situation with divorces was much simplified.
Before me, the typographic form of the following content: "Such (F.I. is inscribed by hand) gives such a thing (FI. I will register) to marry the second time." This is a church divorce. Under short lines, the scene for signature and date. Nothing is said about the children and the fulfillment of paternal duties in the form. Then the stakeholder should include a certificate of wedding and this receipt in the Patriarchate. There will be stamped, paper will learn to the archive, and the union sanctified by God will be considered dissolved. Above those wishing to join the second marriage will read the permitting prayer. And you can immediately be married again.
The Georgian Constitution recognizes a church wedding, but in the event of a divorce, only those who were official marriage have the right to the section of property. Children born in church marriage without official registration receive the last name of the mother and have no right to the property of the Father, if he does not wish himself.
Apparently, church divorces today have achieved such a number that the Patriarchate was forced to prepare the appropriate form. What you can do, divorces - the spirit of time.
On TV every day a video is broadcast with a call: "Fathers, remember your children!" Then there are dry lines of statistics on Georgia: "Every third father does not pay alimony, every fifth - wanted." This is only official data, and, as you know, many couples fall apart, without having time to walk to the registry office. And all this happens against the background of what the Archpriest Georgy says (Doreuli), "Today, nine out of ten people will say that they have their own confessor, and for the holidays of the church and monasteries do not accommodate believers" (Caribbery magazine №6 2011 .).
Why now there is a panepidemia divorce in the world, quite a lot written. It is more interesting to analyze the divorces of church people, initially armed with the teachings of the Holy Fathers on how to deal with passions and rebellious flesh.
The first story
When the 18-year-old tenge and 32-year-old Eca - neighbors on the landing - began to ride the holy places, their mothers were just happy. Almost dangerous and spiritually useful. The goggled houses were returned with enthusiastic stories. In Mtskheta, they met with the old man, in Shiomgwim met with a young monk and so on ... We went, of course, taking the blessing from our confessors.
Pilgrims put parents before the fact: "We are just from Svetitskhoveli. There were married. We will soon have a child "
One day, pilgrims put their parents before: "We are just from Svetitskhoveli. There were married. We will soon have a child. "
Easy to imagine what it started! Both mothers began to accuse the opposite side in the seduction of their Chad.
Dried, sent, then humble. Eca moved to live to the tenot on the rights of legal spouse. Soon the boy was born. After forty days, guests began to come with congratulations. Friends of the tenot from the soul sympathized with him.
You disappeared, brother.
You look at yourself and on her ...
And everything is in the same spirit.
And the difference really rushed into the eyes. High, athletically folded tengo with the face of the film actor and near the low bbw ec with the most ordinary appearance.
Water, as you know, the stone sharpens. Tengo on the nerves left the house. He began to temporarily live in a friend. Ecke had to return to himself, in the apartment on the contrary, to the initial position. Marriage broke up ...
Treno has long been living in Russia, successfully married, has children. Eka lives everything in the same case. Faces on the stairs with a former mother-in-law. Son cums school. Grandmother crashes his grandson. Yet, native blood ...
History Second
After the wedding of Koba and the flower, glowing from joy, we were shared on all the plans with congratulations.
We want us to have a real Christian marriage. We will give birth as much as God gives.
The parishioners are approvingly nodded by exchanging remarks on the external similarity of the newlyweds.
Together look good.
Coba Serious Guy. What life school passed! From him a good father will work out.
Koba - Refugee from Abkhazia, who has managed to bump wars, and, though, enviable fiance. From scratch began the case in Tbilisi, opened the sports section for boys, bought an apartment, now decided to marry. And most importantly, actively believes. Every Sunday leads to the service of all his wards, and they are on, knee-free, choir chant "Mamao Chven" ( "Our Father" in Georgian - Approx. ed. ), so so that the glasses are trembling. With boys strict, but fair. They listen to him with a half-sleep.
Temple humrenitis, I will not hear too much words. As a shadow follows his bearded harsh spouse.
And the overall parish opinion issued an encouraging verdict.
All they will be fine.
A year later, they were born a boy. Then - the second. Koba every Sunday, hand in hand with his wife, brought the kids to the bowl. He himself also served as needed. A year later, a daughter was born. Externally, everything was still. Only the flow has some kind of emaciation-disabled appearance. One servant of God, looking at the family, noticed:
Text, can be seen, to the handle reached. Every year I give birth, what body will it withstand? Where is the chaobs eyes? We must leisure a person to give.
Koba at that moment splashed into rather sharp expressions of some kind of boy, which at the entrance to the church disgraced carelessly.
Probably hard to live with him, "the observer continued. - Command in the army well, and in the family the main thing - a compromise.
Passed another year. Cobes had a fourth child. Everything went as your guy. Then suddenly heard passed: it was separated. Nobody knew the cause, only assumptions. And all four children stayed with the Father.
This news has generated a lot of perekov, the general meaning of which was in one phrase: "And what did she not have enough?" The question remained unanswered. Then followed the church divorce in the Patriarchate in all the rules.
It was about 10 years ago. Koba is still altar. The children rose him. The second time he did not marry. What happened to flow - unknown. In the church she no longer appeared.
Story Three
To the costha, just out of prison, the attitude in the parish was in advance condescending and compassionate: "With whom does not happen?" He was perceived not just like a costa, but, first of all, as the son of singers Irina. Sociable, cheerful, despite lameness, she traveled to services from Rustavi. If only she said, "sing the Lord." With all this, Irina was an Orthodox walking encyclopedia. She lived on a retirement 14 LAR (it was under Shevardnadze) and alms gathered in his mug.
Soon there was a pleasant news: the Sunday Kostya is crowned. Irina did not tire to tell the details to all empathists.
The bride's confessor refuses to wenstly. He says that Kostya sat, and now without work and without home. Suppose first the life will wait, then married
It was so born, so born! God sent a believer girl! This is probably our tickets poured me a consolation. ... They fell in love with each other at a glance. Only here is the problem: her confessor refuses to marry them. He says that Kostya sat several times, and now without work and without home. Let the life first wait, then married. And who has it, this work? Such unemployed is half Georgia. In general, not seeing, unbelieving my son. Forgive him, Lord! Priests are also mistaken. My boy has a golden heart. He loves her two daughters as his own.
The listeners sighed sympathetically and offered their own options.
As a result, we decided to be marred with another priest and start a new life on the territory of the newlywed.
After the wedding of Kostya and Lena covered a small table for several parishioners - to mark a significant day. The first time went together to services. Then more apart. This also did not surprise anyone. Lena sliding schedule - cleaning "when you call". Kostya like attached icons to sell. Something was not charged with his work. Threw one, took over another. And ultimately it came out that the neck was hung.
After six months, they died and no longer appeared in the church.
History Four
Lyudmila (Moscow):
I was crowned twice. I think that there can be no divorce, and I now have two husbands. And behind both, then God will ask. I returned to my first husband in 15 years. Female happiness did not bring me it. And it is unknown, the more end. Wedding is not only a rite, but also the sacrament. It cannot be removed someone's signature. And, like baptism, does not have the inverse force. The second wedding as the second baptism is only an extra cross. So it turns out that I'm a harlot.
In every way I struggle with my handsomeness. Yes, they are all egoists. Time is now. But we can not be insulting them even in thoughts. Otherwise, my son will insult my daughter-in-law. And I do not want it ...
Fifth history
Here is another transmission from the Cycle "Club of Former Wives" with history on the same topic.
40-year-old Nugzar, who lived in the monastery for five years, returned to the world. Soon he met with 38-year-old Inga. The mutual sympathy, originated between them, was so strong that both at the first meeting began to tell each other their last life. There was a lot of common: the first unsuccessful marriage, disappointment in people and timid hope for the best future.
Ingu Nugzar conquered his church and knowledge of the holy fathers. This quality played a decisive role, and after the third date they decided to marvel. Ingu was not embarrassed that Nugzar had no her apartment that he lives with his mother in aunt. Material benefits - the case is hiring, the main thing is the person himself. After the wedding, they sold an inhu apartment in Tbilisi and bought a house in the village, which the head of the family immediately issued on himself. What also did not cause suspicion from Ingi, but how else? Soon the scandals, jealousy, dictionaries of Nugzar and, as a result, beatings. Inga suffered, hoping that the birth of an expected child would change everything. Alas, Little Barbara only worsened the situation by adding material problems to non-working parents. The situation was glowing to the limit, and Inge with the child had to go to the shelter for victims of family troubles and from there to deal with their rights. Nugzar and mother remained on the won housing, not at all taking care of the fate of his own daughter and granddaughter.
And there are many such stories.
And again statistics. Every year, 3,900 children in Georgia are discharged from the maternity hospital with the family name. Recently, a law was adopted that protects the interests of such children born in unregistered marriages. Now the woman has the right through the court to demand the establishment of paternity, and then paying alimony if the DNA analysis is positive. The cost of analysis (2000 LAR) In the case of confirmation of paternity, the accused party should pay. But the law does not consider cases when the Father is chronic unemployed and has no real estate. And there are a lot of such things too.
Maybe it is worth it to give some trial period to be walked, something like several months so that people can decide how serious these relationships are. And with church divorce, it is necessary to consider the problems of each married couple in detail.
Commentary of the priest Pavel Gmer,
The abbot of the temple under construction
In honor of the Saints Peter and Fevronia, Murom in Marino,
the author of many books and articles on family life and raising children
All the above-mentioned facts and stories are very sad and are illustrations to the words of the Savior: "Due to the multiplication of lawlessness, in many, love will cool down" (Matt. 24:12).
On the basis of divorces in the church environment, I have repeatedly expressed, including on the pages of the portal, so I apologize in advance if I repeat. The author of the divorce material (as, however, and we are all very concerned that Orthodox families, and another twenty-five years ago, which are the example of fortresses and marital consent, now also undergo a considerable crisis. I didn't even imagine that in Georgia - a country where strong family foundations and values \u200b\u200bhave always been, is also very diligent. Both the Russian Federation and Georgia were once part of a single great country, where, despite the atheistic education, people understood that the family is great value, it must be created with all the responsibility and take care of all his life. The state also conducted a misunderstanding policy. Family values \u200b\u200bwere promoted, the family was supported and assistance. Divorces, on the contrary, condemned. If people were still divorced, they were printed in the newspaper, they could have trouble at work, and, and, in general, most of the society condemned.
Young people whose childhood accounted for a period of timeless, very hard to build a family
What happened after, we all know well. State, family, moral foundations collapsed. Both we have and in Georgia. The state was not to the family. People ceased to see the highest value in the family. All this was aggravated by complete permissiveness and moral degradation. What was shown on TV, which was sold in the stalls, which songs he listened to what films watched and filmed in the 90s, they all remember too. The number of divorces, destroyed families, children-nightlife - just bash. But the saddest thing is that young people whose childhood and adolescence had to be very difficult now to create and build their family. Most of them grew in the families of incomplete (in the full families, parents were also not before the upbringing of children, it was necessary to survive the elementary to survive), the children had a very early to have poisonous fruits of promiscuity and debauchery. Examples of happy, strong families they saw very little. Many, in general, lost faith in the fact that family happiness is possible. Many have a misconception that you can live without a family. The patient fashion was installed exactly then.
Orthodox children and adolescents this trouble, of course, also touched. Moreover, they do not live in isolation: TV, radio, the Internet has all. Therefore, conflicts, family crises and divorces also occur in Orthodox families. But not because Christian family and moral values \u200b\u200bare outdated and no longer work, but because we have changed. We succumbed to the spirit of time, we do not want to work on themselves, is working on their family life. If the Church will simply tougher measures and make a church divorce very difficult act, I think it will not give anything. In a Christian marriage (both now and in pre-revolutionary time) there are two sides: spiritual and civil, legal. One without another does not exist. Before the revolution and the conclusion of marriages, the church was engaged in the divorce. Now - the state. We cannot but give a man divorce if his marriage and de facto and de jura no longer exist. Yes, there are countries, for example, Italy, where to get a church divorce is very difficult, but there and the secular divorce is very hard. Bracketment processes sometimes go to 5, 10 years.
I believe that it is not to preserve the marriage defamious for a Christian of the same sin, how to terminate the Union, blessed in the church. After all, now there was a whole category of Orthodox people who, by registering a marriage, are in no hurry to be married. Live, as if in a trial marriage, think that if they are divided now, they will make a smaller sin than if they break out after the wedding. And, of course, such halves, insincere relationships do not add their union of strength. All this is a complete hypocrisy. After all, when the canons and rules were written, when families were created in pre-revolutionary Russia, they could not be any other as wedd.
Male infantilism, irresponsibility - an alarming symptom of our time
Now a little about the specific examples given in this material. Of course, on the basis of such a brief information, it is difficult to make some conclusions, but you can pay attention to several points. Some guys from the above stories married (or wanted to marry) on women much older than themselves. Some did not want to work and feed the family. This is a very bright and characteristic barcode. Male infantilism, irresponsibility - a disturbing symptom of our time. A huge number of young people were brought up by lonely mothers who often fed them, pierced, pinched, solved all the problems for them. Often, such a young man is looking for a new "mammy", sometimes older than himself. In the mother's family, he not only did not see the working man, but also often he was released from all labor loads. It is quite natural that it continues in a new one, its own family.
Women lost shame and dignity, became very accessible. And it also destroys the family
Another reason for the fragility of modern, even church marriages is that future spouses begin to create a family with a very serious mistake, make a lot of sin when they begin to live a carnal life together before marriage. Remember, in the first story: Tengo and Eca arrived from the trip and put parents before the fact that they had experienced and the child would be waiting soon. That is, as they say, married in the time. A man who allows himself for a marriage, will very difficult to keep loyalty to his half. This is a common trouble concerning not only male. Women lost shame and dignity, became very accessible. And it also destroys the family and pushes young people to sins before marriage and treason in family life.
But nevertheless, in conclusion, I would like to say that despite the frequent examples of all sorts of family problems and even divorces, including those listed here, the situation in church families is much better than in others. Miscellaneous people and different couples in heavy family situations were very often treated for me. So, in the overwhelming majority of cases, these were non-church people, or few churches. Yes, and Orthodox families overwhelm the waves of the Sea of \u200b\u200bthe Sea, yes, and they sue the spirit of the century. But this does not mean that the modern Orthodox family is no longer different from non-church.
Objectivity for the sake of referring to statistics. In Russia, more than 50 divorces are recorded for every 100 marriages. 80% of her husbands, even sometimes, but change their wives, 40% of children are born outside the family, more than 5,000 mothers are abandoned every year their children in the maternity hospital, more than 4 million are made annually. Do you think this is all said about Orthodox, churched people?
I think that we, contemporary Christians, despite any pressure and intention of the outside, need to constantly remember: who we are and what the Lord is waiting for from us. We are very given a lot, but we will ask us much. It is necessary not to succumb to passions, not justify that we live, they say, in a difficult, corrupted time. And at what time, tell me, the first Christians lived, lived the martyrs of the first three centuries? They preserved faith and morality!
The most important thing is not to be heathed and lazy, then everything will turn out and will succeed, with the help of God, to establish your family life and find family happiness.