Unfortunately, all good things come to an end at some point. It hurts a lot when it comes to understanding in some families. When parents quarrel and do not find a common language, young children are the first to suffer. After all, they are born from love, on which family relationships were built. When, for many reasons, a husband and wife cease to be close and dear, it is necessary to break the bonds of marriage. But what are small children to blame? They did not quarrel with either mom or dad. How should they be in such a situation?
With whom do children stay in a divorce? Minor children after divorce
In order not to inflict psychological trauma on the child, parents should never try to turn him against each other. If possible, he should not be involved in his adult problems, regardless of who is right or who is wrong. With whom the children remain in a divorce, it is necessary to decide peacefully, because they, unlike adults, will continue to love mom and dad equally.
How to make the right decision
In most cases, during a divorce, the child remains with the mother, as is customary in the countries of the former Soviet Union. Ideally, if the ex-husband helps the children and maintains a warm relationship with the ex-family, he spends a lot of time with the children. But this is not always the case. Adults are so absorbed in resentment after parting that they often do not back down in the struggle for supremacy. Sometimes, tormenting the child, they are forced to make a choice between them, forgetting that he loves both mom and dad. But no matter how difficult it is to decide, the most correct course is to conduct peace negotiations.
Resolve the dispute amicably
Despite the damaged relationship between spouses, they need to make every effort and calmly deal with their rights to the child. It is very important to reach a peace agreement so that young children do not become victims of divorce.
Sometimes this can be to the detriment of their own interests, but this is done for the normal upbringing and development of babies. If both parents do not mind discussing with whom the children will remain after the divorce, then the following issues should be resolved, and perhaps an agreement should be drawn up in writing.
- Who will the child live with and where?
- Material security: how much maintenance is the second parent obligated to pay?
- Where will mom or dad meet with the child, how often? It is necessary to draw up a certain schedule to which both children and parents can easily adapt.
- Obligations of a non-material nature also have a place for discussion: who will take the child to circles, pick up from kindergarten, go to school meetings and much more.
It is very cool when a divorce with minor children takes place with a compromise, when the former spouses do not make claims and, in spite of everything, trust each other with raising children and teach them to respect both parents.
It is advisable to go to court
When, for some reason, the parents cannot come to a general agreement, and they cannot decide upon divorce with whom the children should remain, then they have to resort to the help of the court. This is the right decision, because one of the parents is often inadequate. For example, the mother does not allow the father to see the child, although he regularly pays alimony, and the child is attached to him and suffers. Or, on the contrary, the husband uses force, keeps the son or daughter for himself, drives the mother out of the joint housing with nothing. There can be as many situations as there are divorces, everyone has it differently, and many know this firsthand.
The court will take into account all the arguments regarding many factors of the further upbringing of children, and a decision will be made, which will already be difficult to challenge. In some cases, this may be the only way for parent-child communication.
Sometimes the child wants to stay with dad
Children, upon reaching the age of 10, have the right to choose themselves; the court takes into account who they want to live with. Thus, both parents have the same parenting privileges. But the court does not take into account those situations when the child's desire is contrary to his own interests. Sometimes during a divorce, the child stays with the father, especially when the baby is more attached to him than to the mother.
Due to the fact that they have to work hard, fathers usually devote little time to raising children. But this does not mean at all that the son or daughter does not want to be with dad, so the latter is recommended to devote more time to communicating with them. And the mother, with her daily care, is always closer to the child, since it was she who gave birth to and raised him. Therefore, the preference of the judiciary usually remains on the mother's side, although the law says that parents have the same rights.
If the ex-wife turns out to be a bad mother
But sometimes "there is a hole in the old woman." There are women who shy away from their parental responsibilities; we have a lot of such facts in our country. It happens that after a divorce, the mother does not cope with the children entrusted to her, as expected, and even worse, begins to abuse alcohol and behave immorally. The ex-husband may not like this; in this case, he has the right to take the children for himself, providing evidence to the executive service that his ex-wife is a bad mother. The court may well satisfy the father's claim to determine the child's place of residence.
To do this, in addition to the court with a statement of claim, it is required to provide data on housing, on the location of the nearest school, on the availability of the necessary knowledge about parental responsibilities.
How does the law work? In case of divorce, who are the children left with?
When making a decision, the court takes into account, first of all, how much the child is attached to each parent. The presence of other children is also considered, whether there is attachment between children, personal characteristics of both parents, marital status, living conditions and other circumstances to identify the general picture. This is necessary to make the right decision.
To seek help in court, it is necessary for both parties to provide as many facts as possible about what the child will be more comfortable with with this parent. Data from the place of work, feedback from neighbors, information on the availability of living conditions for a minor will be requested. You will need to indicate who lives with the parent in the house. But not only material and living conditions are taken into account in court. They are not always the main ones, the truth is on the side of the one who really values his child.
What guides the court session
The court protects the rights of the child and the interests of minors. To do this, all the pros and cons are carefully weighed, it is determined with which of the parents the baby will be more comfortable. Evaluation of all criteria takes place exclusively in the aggregate.
The age group of children is considered, and if a woman with an infant or a child under five is the initiator of a divorce, then, most likely, the court will leave the mother the right to live with the children. In the case when the child at the time of the divorce has reached the age of ten, his desire to be with one of the parents, but within reasonable limits, will be taken into account. The court listens more to adolescents aged 16 and over, since they are considered completely independent and capable of making the right decision. Affection for your parents plays a big role in this choice.
The moral development of children also depends on the moral qualities of each parent. Therefore, the court also takes into account the lifestyle and bad habits of both former spouses. Parents with convictions, unemployed, alcohol abusers will not be able to win the court hearing in their favor, the decision will most likely not be on their side.
However, the court also takes into account the work schedule and employment of the parent, because it is important how much time he can spend with his son or daughter. That is, people who are wealthy in material terms may be left with nothing due to high employment at work and the inability to pay due attention to children.
There are no former children
Whatever the boiling point of the disputes between former spouses, under no circumstances should children be involved in scandals. It is necessary to fight for the right to be with your baby, but at the same time you need to show the child respect for the former second half.
There is also a category of parents who do not care who the children are left with in a divorce. They are generally not interested in their upbringing for years. Such fathers, according to statistics, are much more numerous than mothers. It is not for nothing that they say that while the father loves the mother, the children are also important, and when another family appears, interest in raising and communicating with the child disappears. In our country, there is no serious punishment for evading parental responsibilities and non-payment of alimony, but this is a completely different topic.